‘The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City’ Are a Greek Tragedy

In historic occasions, a Grecian lady of fantasy named Electra murders Clytemnestra alongside her brother, Orestes. In extra historic occasions, Clytemnestra, consumed by hatred over the ritual sacrifice of her daughter Iphigenia, murders her husband, Agamemnon. In trendy occasions, a lady named Angie Katsanevas is born to Greek immigrants in Salt Lake City, Utah. In extra trendy occasions, she names her daughter Electra.

Such is the cycles of Greek fantasy, as they fade to legend, then the tragedies youngsters gloss over in fourth interval, after which the anecdotes writers named Joan Summers use for dramatic impact in trend columns about what The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City wore to Greece on trip. Woman activates lady, Whitney Rose raises blade in opposition to Meredith Marks, the specter of the ocean serpent looms offshore, Heather of Utah finds herself cursed with the present of prophecy, the Trojan Horse named Britani Bateman finds herself full of troopers from the Osmond household. These are the tales that Sophocles instructed himself with a purpose to stay, and now we repeat them, so we are able to stay too.

It comforts me, some small measure, to assume of Bravo just like the up to date orations of the Greek tragedians. Over and over once more, the nice wheel of time spins out these tales by the ages. Woman in opposition to lady, man in opposition to spouse, daughter in opposition to mom, Housewife in opposition to the very Gods themselves. I can not see into the previous like Sophocles, but when I may, I wager Electra was sporting Clytemnestra’s favourite Versace gown when she stabbed her proper by the guts.

Shall we discuss what her trendy counterpart wore, too?

Angie Katsanevas

Angie Katsanevas is essentially the most lovely lady alive. I say this as a result of I’ve met her, and so I’d know. I additionally say this as a result of she will be able to truly gown, in contrast to the bulk of this forged. This look is attractive, from the gown to the nails to the glam. I really like these waterfall earrings, and the drama they play on with this matching cascade of hair. I’d have preferred to see extra hair piled up, or had the bun be decrease. As it stands, the slight peak of a hair mound excessive of her head provides it an pointless asymmetry, which might be my solely criticism.

Similarly, there’s a world the place this gown overwhelms, however the chicness of her styling helps floor it in her pure magnificence. I hate how overplayed this particular descriptor is, however she’s the spitting picture of a Greek Audrey Hepburn.

Kudos, Ang! Sending you like from PAPER.

Britani Bateman

I’ve spoken fairly regularly concerning the thought of the “embodied dresser.” That is, the lady that’s absolutely expressed by her clothes decisions. Like a pot that has discovered its excellent lid. Britani Bateman, love or hate her, is one of the few embodied dressers on this forged, alongside Angie and Whitney. I discover nearly every thing regarding this look a hideous affront to trend, however its laborious to disclaim that on the very least, it appears prefer it was made together with her in thoughts. That’s a laborious feat to perform, even within the realm of sheer tackiness. Props to you, Brit! With all of the love in my coronary heart, I hope I by no means see this gown once more.

Heather Gay

On the subject of clothes I’d prefer to by no means see once more, there’s not a lot to say about this that doesnt’ instantly spring to thoughts of everybody who beholds it. She’s like a background character in a unhealthy fantasy film about teenagers that uncover their dad and mom are Greek gods. She appears like if Clytemnestra had a Lifetime Original Movie, or Spirit Halloween had a costume billed as “Evil Stepmother in Play.”

Lisa Barlow

Lisa Barlow is again in black! Despite the mundanity of the look, it is good to see she’s mounted her glam. The hair has by no means been shinier, the tan has by no means been tanner, the nails have by no means been nuder, and people eyelashes have by no means been extra symmetrical. The eyebrows are nonetheless cousins, however a minimum of her hair remains to be shiny!

Bronwyn Newport

Bronwyn sometimes pops up on tv in a colour that trendy digicam expertise nonetheless struggles to seize. It would not assist that her lounge is stuffed with related colours, lending every confessional a funhouse high quality that appears ripped proper from that straight-to-cable It prequel collection. Not that she appears like a killer clown — clearly not! But she does stay within the kind of home a child would possibly discover themselves trapped in when working from a killer clown.

Also, deliver again the bob, Bronwyn! I discovered myself questioning what it’d appear to be for her to put in some bundles, however I’m already lacking the bob. Bring it again!

Much higher. Not this outfit, of course. While my distaste ought to be apparent, I do recognize that I can all the time rely on Bronwyn to decorate like the sort of mother or father chaperone a homosexual teenager in Minnesota would really feel comfy popping out too on the annual harvest pageant.

Did Meredith Marks fireplace a stylist? Did Meredith Marks rent a stylist? Did Meredith Marks main residence in New York City burn down? Did Meredith Marks rental house in Salt Lake City slide off the facet of a ski slope? Everything she’s worn this season has been off in a method I can not fairly put my finger on. It’s simply off, like her normal disposition this season. Still, this shade of blue fits her properly!

Kyle Richards

I’m going to be courageous and say that that is the perfect that Kyle Richards has ever seemed in her 15 years because the star of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. She appears scorching past perception, in methods I frankly didn’t assume her succesful of. I really like this go well with, and I really like that she wore this go well with throughout the episode wherein she revealed to Erika (and the viewers) that she did in reality date a lady. Sure, she by no means truly mentioned that, however Real Housewives followers notoriously can not decide up on clues and subtext. Kyle Richards dated a lady, and he or she delivered the information in a go well with. Not solely that, however she embellished the tie with broaches and left trend columnist Joan Summers wowed out of phrases.

Sutton Stracke

Erika Girardi

Erika Jayne completely delivers information about her million lawsuits in outfits that make her appear to be a Persona character. Erika Jayne completely delivers information about her million lawsuits in outfits that Violet Chachki wore throughout her Crazy Horse residency in Paris. Erika Jayne completely delivers information about her million lawsuits in outfits she stole off a background character within the season finale of I Love LA season one at a trend social gathering Jordan Firstman’s character by accident shit everywhere in the flooring at.

Bozoma Saint John

I can all the time rely on Bozoma to put on one thing bigger than life, like this high, or these earrings, or this headband! The shock of white is beautiful, as is the crimson lip. The earrings do not actually work for me, however a minimum of she wore one thing. At least she wore one thing!

Amanda Frances

Amanda Frances actually desires me to assume she is wealthy. Not simply wealthy, however a maestro of cash that shits bricks of gold and wipes her ass with Benjamins. She has not discovered the right way to gown the half simply but, and I don’t assume she ever will. A lady in a coral crimson lip with an excessive amount of bronzer can not work out such issues on their very own, therefore the bronzer and coral crimson lip.

Speaking of coral crimson lips, Jennifer Tilly is aware of to place the bronzer down and let her options shine. This gown prices greater than I’ll ever make in my life and the butterflies visited me in a dream final night time. As did she, now that I give it some thought. She hosted a banquet with associates the place we painted homosexual fashions who took their garments off and flashed us their penises. Actually, I believe I’m simply remembering the latest episode of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.

Tia Glover

Is that purported to be a hen on her high? Is her high made of mesh with a modernist hen applique? Did this lady actually put on a hen within the confessional sales space?

Wendy Osefo

Wendy Osefo might need been arrested. Wendy Osefo might need been charged with fraud. Wendy Osefo might need investigators beating down her block to triple verify her bank card transactions. Wendy Osefo may be making ready for court docket. But Wendy Osefo doesn’t look unhealthy on tv! The gown may be barely low cost, and made of stretch cloth. But Wendy Osefo doesn’t look unhealthy on tv! In reality, Wendy Osefo appears like a complete glamorpuss on tv — I simply hope none of these jewels had been stolen within the theft.

Stacey Rusch

There’s one thing menacing about this gown, eh? Maybe it is the shortage of colour in her make-up, or the boob jail she’s trapped her ta-tas in. Maybe it is the white nail or the excessive collar. It’s simply very menacing! I wish to have a look at it much less, so I’m wrapping issues up for the week. Goodbye to this gown, which I’m positive a gentleman’s membership dancer wore in a film the place she truly has a coronary heart of gold and a child sister she takes care of after their mother or father’s died in 9/11 or a tsunami. Whichever was sadder when the film got here out.

Images courtesy of Bravo/NBC Universal